Hey Phil! Any of this sound familiar?

>> > An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
>> > years. He went to the doctor, who was able to have him fitted for a set
>> > of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
>> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
>> > doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
>> > pleased that you can hear again.”
>> > The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit
>> > around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three
>> > times!”
>> > —————————————–
>> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
>> > under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years
>> > old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know
>> > you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
>> > Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”
>> > “Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”
>> > “Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
>> > ————————–
>> > An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after
>> > eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
>> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out
>> > to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
>> > The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”
>> > The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name
>> > of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… The one that’s
>> > red and has thorns.”
>> > “Do you mean a rose?”
>> > “Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the
>> > kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went
>> > to last night?”
>> > ——————————–
>> > Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
>> > discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
>> > elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
>> > suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the
>> > hospital.
>> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
>> > to the elevator.
>> > On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
>> > “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom
>> > changing out of her hospital gown.”
>> > —————————-
>> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: “So I hear you’re
>> > getting married?”
>> > “Yep!”
>> > “Do I know her?”
>> > “Nope!”
>> > “This woman, is she good looking?”
>> > “Not really.”
>> > “Is she a good cook?”
>> > “Naw, she can’t cook too well.”
>> > “Does she have lots of money?”
>> > “Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”
>> > “Well, then, is she good in bed?”
>> > “I don’t know.”
>> > “Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”
>> > “Because she can still drive!”
>> > ————————————————–
>> > Three old guys are out walking.
>> > First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”
>> > Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”
>> > Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
>> > ———————————————
>> > A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It
>> > cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
>> > “Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
>> > “Twelve thirty.”
>> > —————————
>> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
>> > A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street
>> > with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
>> > A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
>> > “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
>> > Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma
>> > and be cheerful.’”
>> > The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart
>> > murmur; be careful.”