Sunday, January 12, 2014

Trivial Sunday

Now there's a good chance that I may take a roundhouse kicking for saying this, but for this Sunday, what could be more trivial than Chuck Norris sayings:

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris-experience.

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him.

Some kids piss their name in snow, Chuck Norris pisses his name into Concrete.

Chuck Norris created the giraffe when he uppercut a horse

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ******* beef.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver... and wins.

M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this. 

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the **** out of the way.

Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Chuck Norris is.

Chuck Norris can make a parapalegic run for his life.

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes cow-tipping, he lifts a cow up and drop kicks it into the neighboring farm. All the other cows simply tip themselves over to keep from having to walk back in the dark.

We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

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