Friday, April 11, 2014

Oh the Horror! Oh, the Humanity!

9 dead as result of collision between school bus and FedEx truck!

Due to the actions of senseless, uncaring, dare I even say it? Deranged people, 7 children are dead as well as two adults and dozens more injured.

A FedEx semi sideswiped a car (the article doesn't say who was at fault there) crossed a grassy median, (is this a copycat crime meant to simulate the grassy knoll?) and met in in a fiery crash with a busload of students.

Had not dozens, nay, hundreds of people maliciously used this service, lazily sitting in their homes instead of driving across the United States to have their trinkets and doodads delivered directly to their location, this heinous act could not have been committed.

We, as a nation, as Patriots, must ban all internet and phone orders. We must make a new law proclaiming it illegal to purchase anything unless we do so in person. This will make sure those massive engines of doom driven by reckless and dangerously insane FedEx drivers* are kept off our streets. Granted, this so-called accident only took the lives of 7 of our educationally driven children, and that's probably at least a whole week's worth of gun deaths, but we cannot allow our children to suffer!

Just remember when you drive across country to California to pick up that brand of Real Mexican salsa, made by Real Mexicans, to drive carefully. There are still FedEx trucks out there until the rest of America wakes up!

*Only a total moron would not see that this article is pure sarcasm. There is no truth that ALL FedEx drivers are reckless and/or dangerously insane. It is meant to demonstrate the absurdity of blaming chance and circumstance on the actions of the persons, real or imagined. Remember: Ban guns, Save lives!

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