Tuesday, April 29, 2014

For Sale!

I finally figured it out.

I am going to use the Patented Government Plan and get rid of all those pesky people who expect me to pay for shit!

No, I'm not going to drone them out of existence, although plans are in the works for this as an option. As of today, ALL my debt is for sale. Every cent that I owe anyone, for anything, is now available for purchase. I will sell every dollar of debt for 60 cents on the dollar! (That's a 40% markdown for any Common Core student out there). In return, I will sign an IOU to pay YOU $1.10 BACK on every dollar purchased. (Again, that's a 10% interest for you CC students).

As my debts rise from having to pay back the interest, (which is ALL I'm actually going to pay you, (see how this works?)). I will sell the debt I owe YOU, to someone else, which will increase my cash flow and thereby keep me afloat for a Long LOng LONG time.

I realize (Not having grown up in the Common Core educational system) that eventually I will have accumulated so much debt, that eventually I will not be able to sell enough to pay back all I owe, but have concluded that it DOESN'T matter! I will eventually be dead, or YOU will, (which would be helpful...hint hint...) or my kids will have to deal with it as I will be a drooling aged invalid that the state will have to euthanize in the name of humanity!

In addition, as I am now a land owner, (read that Renter from the Gubmint), I will allow unlimited immigration to my land, and anyone who moves on will only have to submit one THIRD of their income or production for the privilege. If the land becomes overpopulated, I will institute a health plan to kill off anyone of advanced age (except for those I like) and take BACK any viable land for the good of those who suck up to me.

Be one of the first to get in on this ONE TIME OFFER (unless I offer it again as I choose)!

Tell your friends! Currently only limited amount of debt is available for purchase!*

*More debt is expected to be available soon!

No comments: