Frustrated, pissed, tired

Today has been one of those weeks. Seems like everything just seems futile somehow.
(Hint: this is going to be a rant, pity party style, so if you don't like whiners, get the fuck out now)

I built a bow saw today. I can't get a temporary electrical line put in on my new land until I build a post with all the electrical equipment; box, outlet, 3 lengths of 12 gauge wire, insulator, sched 40 electrical PVC, the works. And I have to cut down all the burned trees between the street connection and where I need to put the post.

The only saw I have worthy of cutting down a tree is an electric chainsaw. Which I can't use until I get electric, which I don't have until I put in the post and cut down the trees.

I KNOW how to fashion a bow saw. And I have a blade. Its the tension I had a problem with. I first used wire with a tensioner, and the wire broke. Then I used paracord, and it wouldn't hold tension after a few strokes. Finally, I took some half inch steel rods, heated them to red hot, and molded them to fit the sides of the bow saw and the tensioner. Tightened everything up. The wood snapped.

The week past, I built a baler to take all this otherwise useless mowed grass, and make bales to augment my chicken/rabbit/goose/duck feed. Monday, the piece that packs the bale broke in two, and then the bottom that holds the bale in place while its being packed split.

I KNOW how to do this shit. I know plumbing, electric, carpentry, and am no stranger to physical labor, (even though I have to figure new ways to do shit with only one shoulder).

But this has been one of those days (weeks?) when it seems my best effort isn't good enough. And I'm frustrated. I sit in the house all day unless I can find a project to occupy my time, and then when I've made a lot of effort to get something done, and it goes to shit, I get depressed.

I need 250.00 for all the fucking pieces of the 'temporary' electrical pole, apparently need to somehow buy a chainsaw that's not electric, and can't seem to get anything I build to do, with what I have on hand, to work.

Did I take on too much buying my land? I don't want to think so. But it has been so frustrating lately trying to get the modern shit going, that I am feeling disillusioned about taking on a self sufficient farmstead. I was RAISED this way, damnit! I can (usually) build a Maserati out of bubble gum and toilet tissue!

I have always been a nigger-rigger. (Yes, I said that. Afro-ingenuity is too PC for me!) but it seems lately my results have been less than optimum.

Fuck it. I'm going to go have a couple too many beers, and call it a day. Thanks for listening.