Thursday, February 8, 2018

Free kittens

Have you ever tried to GIVE something away FREE on craigslist?  
It amazes me what people think YOU should do to accommodate giving THEM something for nothing. 
I have five female cats. I picked up two during an all-you-can-eat-for-a-dollar type giveaway at the local shelter. BOTH were spayed. 
One disappeared after quite some time here, which does occasionally happen here in coyote country. Not blaming the coyotes, mind you. Just saying it does happen...
Then a friend of a friend had to give up her two apartment cats, and the friend that was our friend told the friend that was their friend that she knew some cat people that were her friends (confused yet?) and that these friends would take that friend's two cats and raise them as their own. Fwewf! Am I glad I got THAT out of the way! 
So then I had 3 cats. 1 spay, 2 litter bugs
BOTH new cats came up pregnant, as not owning any male cats, neuter or otherwise, I couldn't be bothered to spay them. Besides, they were INDOOR cats. Complete with a pet door for my dogs that allowed them access to the great outhouse... er... great outDOORS.
After giving away the kittens, we decided to keep the last female left from each litter. Which makes 5 shredders. (1 spay, 4 puffball producers.)
This quota did not overly concern me, as they were all INDOOR cats, with convenient access to the outside to do their business. 
Apparently, I myself, and my cats, have  ENTIRELY different ideas as to what that "business" IS... 
So anyway, about once every six months or so, I have the opportunity to provide free rodent population control to anyone who wants it, gratis. 
I do this via the WWWW (World Wide WONDERFUL Web) through the miracle of CRAIGSLIST! 
And have never had long to wait to distribute my generosity due to humanity's insatiable desire for all things FREE. 
Yet it simply astounds me to what lengths these people WON'T go to to try to fill this desire. 
Things like: actually READ the fucking AD, and try VERY HARD to retain the information to be gleaned there
Then the questions! For instance:
Do you deliver? 
(No, this ain't fucking Domino's) 
Will you hold it for three weeks until my annoying brat's birthday (or bar mitzvah, or campout/cookout)?
(Certainly! 10 dollars/day "Are you fucking kidding me? fee"!)
Will you meet me someplace? (Absolutely! Did you notice the MapQuest insert in the ad? Yes? Good! THAT'S the place.)
Are they eating dry food? (No, unfortunately, although I posted IN THE AD they were weaned, they still need to grind hard food in their MOUTH, with SPIT in order to properly process their bits of kibble.) 
Are they fixed? (No. All the indications to date show they were born this way. And if it ain't broke, neither I nor Bustednuckles can fix it) 
Are they male, or female? 
How many males/females do you have? 
(Like the photo in the ad shows: Six)
Which ones are male/female in the pic? 
(All of them) 
Do you have any male kittens left? 
(I don't know. I feel it demeans our kitten/owner gestalt, and embarasses the kitten, to be thrust on its back, tail pulled to the side, and have their tiny little genitals googled at. 
Not to mention, if this is a mis-gendered animal stuck in the wrong birth gender, I don't feel it's my place to judge. God made (insert preferred genital-related pronoun here in accordance to your 'special feelings') the way it is. Let God sort it out.)
Are they litter trained? 
(I THINK so. I know I posted IN THE AD they are, but my dogs think cat shit is actually a doggie cookie, and may be covering for them in order to maintain a constant, fresh supply.)

So do these people REALLY want a cat? Or are they just poor, pathetic, little losers, that no normal person would waste time on, looking to connect with some one or some thing in order to give meaning to their pitiable little lives? Be it either a cute, cuddly, adorable, soft little kitten, or the poor guy FORCED to interact with them through his misfortunate choice to post an ad on Craigslist:  FREE KITTENS

1 comment:

Phil said...

Throw 'em in a box, pay a kid a small stipend to sit in front of the nearest large store and give them away, wait for more kittens.
Problem solved, kind of.

I have used Craigslist a couple of times, it can get a bit weird.

Glad to see you post something though finally for fucks sake.
Now do it again!

Oh yeah, say hi to Rosie for me.

One more thing I almost forgot.

You can really lay into the Old Man thing now my friend, I just turned 58 a week ago.
Feel every minute of it too lately.