NUDITY
I was driving with my three young
children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us
stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I
heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!'
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OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a
first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents
..'
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KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the
ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now She's hitting the
bottle.
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MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA
and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room
burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The
little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you
ever seen a little boy before?'
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POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism
report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years
old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I
answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help
I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my
shoe?'
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POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I
parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9
partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a
dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I
replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and
then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he
do?
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ELDERLY
While working for an organization
that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter
on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances
of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth
fairy will never believe this!'
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DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her
parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,
'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not,
darling?'
'You know that it always gives you
a headache the next morning.'
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DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk
in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly
made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found
a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a
small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of
the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to
say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the
Son, and into the hole he goes.' (I want this line used at my
funeral!)
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SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished
her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I
can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me
talk!'
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BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family
Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly,
something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What
he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy
called out.
'What have you got there,
dear?'
With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR
DAY,
GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET
IT
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