This is a fairly
long post, that started out as an idea to put some good information about
general prepping on my site. I mention in my “about me” column that I’m a
survivalist. I practically lived in the woods growing up, and was raised on a
self sustaining homestead. AND I’m a dedicated prepper.
I go to a LOT of
sites to brush up on information and to see what “new” idea some yahoo thinks
he just came up with for the first time in like EVER, and try not to judge.
I was GOING to go to
some different sites and list some of the unusual things folks come up with for
survival or prepping, but stopped after this first one. I got enough fodder
here to gag a maggot. Good information? I’ll let you be the judge. But the
ideas are, shall we say, “entertaining”.
The following are
excerpts from the post apocalypse site: “I’m not saying….”
But it IS an actual
site: (comments in red are from yours truly)
When the lights go out, and it is colder than
a witches tits in a brass bra, you will need to know how to start a fire,
purify water, acquire food and defend yourself.
Need to know all that to defend against a witches tit in a brass bra?
Otherwise, you can
stick your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
Possible
back up plan?
Realistically, you
and I stand a great chance of dying right away or in the ensuing chaos that
follows.
Then
what the fuck are we bothering with all this for?
The general rule to
remember for post apocalyptic survival is called the rule of 3′s:
- You die in 3 minutes without oxygen,
- 3 hours without shelter,
- 3 days without water and
- 3 weeks without food.
Okay, I won’t argue this one…
Any post apocalyptic survival guide, that doesn’t
immediately suggest you get a shotgun, is as useless as tits on bull.
One of the few tidbits that
actually makes sense.
If you need to empty 17 rounds out of your clip to stop a
would be attacker, you are either terrible at aiming or screwed anyway.
Besides, the government is gonna
restrict you to seven rounds or less….
Collect Materials Before
You Attempt To Make a Fire
Kinda
hard to collect materials for a fire AFTER you're attempting to make a fire. What would you attempt it WITH?
The only problem
with matches for post apocalyptic survival is that they absolutely suck and I
hate them.
They’re
better for lighting cigars though. Keeps the smoke mellow.
The simple, unavoidable fact is that a gun can get you anything you want from someone who does not have a gun.
See
entry above about tits on a bull….Get a gun.
Don’t think for a
second life is pleasurable living under a tarp.
It’s
not? Whooda thunk?
Needless to say, until shit really hits the fan spiders are
not going to be on my menu.
As my sainted mother used to
say: “How do you KNOW you don’t like them if you don’t even TRY them?
If my life depends on it, I’d rather have the expensive
models over some cheap Chinese piece of crap.
I’d rather have the Chinese piece of crap over nothing.
Taken together, the last two
seem almost prophetic….
Surviving after the apocalypse will be extremely difficult
without a steady supply of reliable food.
Surviving before the apocalypse
will be extremely difficult without a steady supply of reliable food!
If you did not prepare, you better get your ass out there
and get whatever you can.
You brought your gun, right?
Because that other Schmuck out there getting whatever HE can brought his.
Going from eating microwave dinners to being a hunter
gatherer again is not an easy undertaking, you must get creative.
It won’t be easy carrying the
microwave around either…
Your mind is more important than any sort of gear in a post
apocalyptic survival situation.
Make sure you have this ahead of
time.
That said, your gear will greatly increase your chances of
post apocalyptic survival.
But I thought you said my mind
was more important. Now I’m confused.
So get gear that will last you until you die!
Didn’t you say we’d probably be dead
during the ensuing chaos? How good does the gear have to be for THAT|?
I like a larger heavier machete that is capable of cutting
down small trees and chopping semi thick branches, I am more confident it will
penetrate a zombies skull.
Okay, I see NOTHING wrong with
this statement!
A solid axe may well last you the rest of your life.
See “resulting chaos” note
above…..
While you still have access to gas, nothing beats a
chainsaw.
Even better than a machete for
zombie skulls!
Shovels are an extremely useful tool that can be sharpened
to make a formidable melee weapon.
But not as good as a chainsaw…
No post apocalyptic survival kit would be complete without a
flashlight.
The better to see the zombies.
Every man should own a crowbar.
A rule I live by.
That being said, do yourself a favor and get yourself some
bolt cutters.
But you JUST said I needed a
crowbar!
Duct Tape –
You know what they say, if you can’t duck it, fuck it.
Truer words hath ne’er been
spoke…
As soon as you have anything to fix get creative with duct
tape.
Except when binding zombies to
tree. Just “Git ‘er done”.
Thermal Blankets
– Cheap and surprisingly effective at beaming your own body heat back at you.
But a LOT more fun getting your
ladies body heat beamed at ya….
Nothing will kill you faster than hypothermia if you are
soaking wet in a cold climate and on the move.
Not zombies, gun wielding thugs,
that pack of wolves, or…
Don’t overlook work gloves! You can’t touch anything hot
without them.
Ever hear of pot holders,
Jackass?
Good boots can save your ass if you have to hump a long
distance.
Not sure I’ve ever humped over
ANY kind of distance. And when I DO hump, it’s not my ass I’m concentrating on…
If you have to run away from civilization you will be glad
you aren’t wearing your flip-flops.
They are perfectly acceptable
for running from the aforementioned pack of wolves, however.
Get yourself a pre-made hiking medical survival kit if you
do not know what you are doing.
If you don’t know what you’re
doing, what good will ANY medkit make?
Get a backpack that will last until you die!
If you don’t live very long, a Hefty
garbage sack will do nicely…
You may need to fit all of your shit into a square on your
back and head for the mountains, do you wanna rely on some cheap piece of shit!
I hadn’t planned on saving my
“shit” in the first place. But more on this later.
Hell no, do yourself a favor get a real damn backpack.
Isn’t ANY backpack a REAL damn
backpack? And if I don’t have one, should I just stay home?
Survival is a state of mind and a will to succeed.
Then what do I need the backpack
and all this gear for?
Never give up, never give in just keep on going.
Hard to apply this one to
bugging in…. Better grab yer backpack!
And from the “comments” section,
THESE little gems:
Great post apocalyptic survival guide man you covered all
the bases. You should also include anti-biotics and medical care.
Then he didn’t cover ALL the
bases, did he?
Thanks for saving my life, I did not even think about the
hand crank radio/ flashlight!
That whole telling you to get a
gun thing just went right by ya, huh?
This is one of the best guides I have come across for
apocalypse survival. I think there are some things that could be added though
to make it more complete but I understand it is already super long so I will
e-mail you some of my ideas for you to cover and maybe you can make additional
posts and link them?
Translation: You don’t know
shit. Let me tell ya how it’s done.
Reading just your first paragraph makes me glad to know I’m
not going to have kids.
I don’t get this. This was the first
paragraph: When the lights go out, and it is colder than a witches tits in a
brass bra, you will need to know how to start a fire, purify water, acquire
food and defend yourself.
Personally, my plan would to be to isolate myself from
anyone, particularly the kind of person who wrote this article.
Then why are you READING this
article? To learn to avoid people like the author?
Great tips for survival skills, I’m sure the author has a
lot of know-how, but they sound ruthless.
Translation: He doesn’t know
what the fuck he’s talking about, but he’s a mean sumbitch, so I’m gonna be
nice.
Being a girl, I wouldn’t trust the majority of guys to
remain gentlemen, especially those who view guns as the best post apocalyptic
tool.
Posted by a future sex slave for
the unwashed masses.
Boiling water isn’t very effective as there are bacteria
that thrive in temperatures around water’s boiling point.
Name ONE. Water boils at 212 degrees
F. MOST bacteria can’t make it to 150.
(talking about distilling): The only draw back is that the
water will lack things like fluoride that’s in our tap water to keep our teeth
healthy, but other methods don’t provide this either.
So you’re saying the only
drawback that makes it superior to other methods is that the other methods
don’t do the same thing that distilling doesn’t do? Getting confused here…
I’m a fan “head for the hills”, which is probably because
(1) I know I couldn’t hold my own in a fight (2) I have so little faith in
people to remain civil.
Body found in woods wearing flip
flops and eaten by wolves. Film at eleven. Doesn’t ANYONE know about that gun
thing?
I’m also pretty against the gun thing.
Body found (insert ANY location
here) riddled with bullets. Film at eleven.
I thought the shelter thing was interesting, tarps sound
great.
What part of “Don’t think for a second life
is pleasurable living under a tarp” do you NOT understand?
To me apocalyptic survival means nothing more than an
extended camping trip.
Body found riddled by bullets
and eaten by wolves in extreme dehydrated and malnourished condition. While
wearing flip flops. Film at eleven.
Everything you need, nature can provide.
Then why are you reading this
shit?
You don’t need guns or arrows if you can build snares and
traps for small game.
Body found in woods eaten by
wolves, shot by renegades, choking on flip flops he was trying to eat because
he didn’t know how to build a fucking trap and had no way to protect himself,
either. Film at eleven. (I’m starting to see a trend here….)
Children are the future.
We are SO fucking doomed.
Sidearm: it is better
than hurling rocks & sticks.
Finally! Intelligence rears its
ugly head. It’s MUCH more effective to hurl a sidearm!
When I’m in the woods with chainsaws I carry a bunch of
maxipads (sanitary napkins) as they will cover a large area quickly.
I REALLY don’t wanna know…..
A dog would be good but that is another mouth to feed.
A dog IS good. Especially with
garlic. Problem solved.
There is a reason that super fortified castles, historically
often became tombs.
I’m guessing they forgot the gun
thing, too.
Don’t make the mistake in assuming that the tampon is a good
plug for a bullet hole… it swells up waaaay too much.
Isn’t that what the little
string is for?
The best is a large land where your crap can be used as
fertilizer over larger areas.
The “best” is to not crap where
yer gonna grow FOOD, Dipshit! (this is that “more about that later” part I was
talking about.)
(I’m wondering if you could accelerate the process with
worms or if your excrements will simply kill the worms).
And yet you think nothing of
growing YOUR food in it….
Sand and salt can be used to drain the juices out of your
sh*t.
I HOPE he means POST-excreting.
Roving, well-armed bands of 30 or 50 thugs will be going
house to house and taking everything.
And we’re back to the whole 17
rounds and you can’t hit shit problem. Practice people!
Sure you can shoot a few, then they firebomb your house.
Not if you actually shoot MORE
than a few of them.
If you’re outside and have anything of value you wont be
just robbed but simply shot from a hundred yards away.
Didn’t you JUST tell me my house
was no good. If I can’t stay INSIDE, and I can’t go OUTSIDE, where the FUCK do
you want me to GO?
One of the most importent things needed in any situation
like this one would be personal things.Things that was handed down to you or
given by loved ones,picures,objects,books,bible,journals to wright in.
This really only applies if the
personal thing handed down was a FUCKING GUN!
Post shit hitting the fan you still need a sence of how good
you had it befor.
Or a sense of the written
language. So you can wright in your
journal….
Other people and the generations growning up in it help and
suport others even if you dont agree with there ways is how we got to live like
we did in the past(present day).
I personally: 1. Never lived in the past, and 2. Can’t
figure out a WORD your saying.
My biggest fear in a situation like that would be someone or
group of people trying to make like a town or village and start creating laws and governments.
A society with LAWS? Oh, PLEASE
GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let’s hope her fears don’t end up killing her prematurely.
Wouldn’t want her to miss the
apocalypse now, would we.
Yea I am more worried about people who are scared of people
like me and you, because those folks will be the ones who are truly desperate
and they are more of a threat to me and mine.
What about the ones with guns
who AREN’T afraid of you? Just big teddy bears, huh? Can we say “fodder”?
For fire wood most of the time you don’t need any tools.
With one heavy stone you can break pretty much any dry wood into pieces.
1.
You’re an idiot.
2.
See above note about
chainsaw.
I actually believe that the majority of people will maintain
their morality.
Blah, blah, blah……Film at
eleven. (Thugs are doing well, though.)
A kill or be killed society can not flourish and does not
seem very realistic.
But a kill and kill alike is a
freaking Utopia?
Personally, I focus on the short-term for survival.
Good plan. And you’re reading
this site for….?
Humans are far better suited evolutionarily for survival in
groups. That being said, I’d much rather be on my own than with a group full of
idiots or moochers.
Confusion runs strong in this
one, Obi Wan.
Nature and survival do not give a damn about m0rals and
right or wrong.
This I couldn’t have said
better!
I live in a small rural neighborhood and have started to
plant seeds in their heads about post apocalyptic living.
A whole new twist on the
survival garden….
Xeno out
No comments:
Post a Comment