an apology (of sorts...)

I started blogging not completely out of boredom. Not out of a need to be heard because my thoughts were deep and world changing. I started it out of frustration with my own personal place in the world. I was newly crippled (NOT handicapped!) and was being treated by society as no longer worthy of contributing. I was frustrated. No longer able to support my family physically, and with no “paper” proof of my learning, I was cast aside and treated as a drain on the material reserves of humanity. I found myself with ample time to read, and fell into reading the thoughts of others. I started following blogs. Not just ANY blog. No. I read the thoughts of some of the greats: Wirecutter, The Lonely Libertarian, and my all time favorite BustedNuckles of the Vulgar Curmudgeon and now BustedNuckles.com. Not to mention the various others out there who I follow. (Insert plug for some good ones I follow on the front page of my blog here…heheh) As I read these scions of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, I would occasionally find a chord struck within my own breast, yearning to be free. (Or at least heard) And I would respond. Eventually, some of these thoughts would resonate with these blog authors, and they would pass on my nuggets of knowledge. Or made up bullshit, whichever I had felt compelled to share on that particular instance. And I was encouraged to start a blog. So I did. This one. Originally, I set out to create the best blog out there. One that would have to be read by millions to learn at the feet of a master and unlock the mysteries of the universe. And as I had nothing else to do, recuperating from a gun shot wound, I dedicated a great deal of my time to it. It grew. And I became moderately successful as a blogger. Then Life interfered. I became more able to work around my pain and find ways to do more. I quit blogging so much. Now, looking back, I remember how angry I was. With my personal situation. With how unfair it was my life changed in seconds from an ‘up and comer’ to a cripple. And with our government. I was getting older and paying attention to how our country was run and finding myself disgusted with the elites. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to join the community of bloggers and ‘resistance fighters’ out there who were also dissolutioned by our government for ‘the people’ being governments for themselves. But then My Life started improving. I became more intested in building my own life, and slowly and inevitably, my blogging disappeared. Gone was the intensity of my angst. Anger no longer fueled by my worthlessness disolving in the desire to overcome all odds and perservere. I became complacent. The end of part one. Begin part two. I am ashamed. So many have helped me in my time(s) of need. I took the aid and the help of generous others and overcame all adversity. Knowing full well that having to surmount these obstacles alone I would have succumbed to the challenges. And then promptly ignored all those who aided me. So I humbly ask for your forgiveness. I am no less arrogant and prideful as ever, but do fervently wish to acknowledge the many who have let me make it this far. I would do so individually, but there are too many to list. Some no longer have contact with me, nor I them, and some have, sadly and to my great regret, shuffled off this mortal coil and are no longer among us. One way to show my appreciation would be to blog more often for those who find my words of some passing interest and worth the few minutes it takes to read them. But I wonder? What was it that made me want to blog in the first place? Certainly not my incapacities. Typing at that stage was a chore in and of itself. Boredom? Certainly A reason, but not THE reason. A good book to this day will take my mind off reality into any realm I care to choose. Why be a bored, pained cripple when I can sail the seas with Captain Kidd or run the forests as a beastman on the hunt? I am comfortable in my life now. I live on a small farm, had a good if not great harvest from my small garden, am warm, well fed, and have a loving wife who makes my coffee and cooks wonderful meals. My dogs like me, and I even have a rooster that follows me around and takes treats from my hand. Why would I stop to blog? ESPECIALLY since I STILL can't get this damn thing to format and put new paragraphs in!!!! Because of YOU. Yes, you. Even now, after so long not blogging enough to make up a paragraph a week, someone will comment on one of my blog posts. Or drop a note saying they miss me. It is the fellowship of the ring, modern style. It is we few who in a small way make a difference. I feel empowered by those of you who CARE. In a world where its every politician for himself, where fame is counted more worthy than compassion, where a common criminal can be a hero for dying due to his own lawlessness and not for doing good deeds, it is those of us who are willing to share our hearts, our souls, and our meager thoughts, that can make the difference. Without bloggers like those who inspired me when my life was more draining than fulfilling, those I mentioned above and those many I didn’t, that gave me back my own life. Literally. And if my ramblings and rationalizations have helped one person out there, made even an insignificant overall difference in a person’s life that to them seems meaningful, I have a reason. So let’s hope I’m not full of shit. Let us now gather in harmony, peace, love, and other words of platitude and puissance, and gracefully go about our day looking forward to another blog post from that all time great; Xenolith! Please stand by….