Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Fuck this good neighbor shit

About 4:00 this afternoon, shortly after my wife got home from work, my little pain in the butt yap dogs started freaking out in the enclosed side yard.
I went out to see why they were so obviously agitated and found a medium sized mixed breed mutt in the back, which is open to the other side of the house and the front.
Being the kind humanitarian I am (and not wanting to be cited for firing a gun in the city limits) I grabbed my sling shot and some marbles, and figured I'd let it know it really shouldn't come to my yard uninvited.
I opened the gate, stepped through, and was just about to let fly at this accommodating animal who was standing broadside to me about 15 feet away.
Just before I released, I heard a voice behind me yell "Don't hit her".
The individual got lucky. I was startled, and turned with the intent to let a very large glass marble fly at this unknown threat.
Some asswipe was standing there, and with a VERY scared look on his face, said that the dog was friendly, and he'd been chasing it for four blocks trying to grab it. He asked if I would help him catch her.
So me, being the generous, giving, and understanding humanitarian I am, I dropped the slingshot, crouched and called to the stupid assed dog. After a few aborted approaches, the mutt finally approached me, tail wagging, and let me scratch its head. The fuckhead asswipe whom I didn't shoot earlier told me to grab the mutts collar.
Well, hell. Why not?
So I extended my reach just enough to grab the collar.

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The fucking dog went full bull goose apeshit on me. Twisted around so I lost my grip on the collar, threw itself on its back, and then latched onto my thumb. 

Well shit. At this point, being nice was no longer in me. I slammed my fist against its head, and the fucking cur took off.
The guy trespassing in my back yard asked if I was okay, and I told him to call 911. I don't know this damn dog, and be damned if he's getting away with this shit.

The 911 operator asked to talk to me, as I was the individual who just happened to know the address and my name. (Duh) And the operator told me to have us wait in the street and she would have animal control notified.

I relayed this info to the trespasser, and he told me he thought he should follow and try to find the dog so no one else got bit. And left.

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I kept an eye on where he went as he walked down the street, and when my wife came out, I walked up the street after him.

End result: Animal control showed up, took my statement, police showed up, found this asswipe by tracing the number he called 911 on, and I got a trip to the emergency room.

Dog bites fucking HURT, people! This is the third time I've been bitten by a dog. Which makes two out of three not my fault! And if Asswipe can't produce shot records, I get to have rabies shots on top of everything else.

Next time, I'm going all Wirecutter on any fucking animal that doesn't belong in my fucking back yard. It won't be a sling shot, and I'm not counting legs...

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